Real News™
Batman - The Dark Knight

Batman was great. Not sure if its better than Iron Man, my other best super hero movie of the year, but TDK was better done and had... 

Kegs vs Cans

Collegiate administrations across the country have either completely banned or heavily regulated the use of beer kegs on campus and... 

This Week in Canada: Mildly Interesting News from a Mildly Interesting Nation

From The Globe and Mail: The death of a pedestrian on Tuesday has raised the question of how loud is too loud when it comes to listening... 

City Proudly Unveils Underground Bus System

A new subterranean bus route was unveiled this Friday afternoon at a Lane Transit District press conference. The route was introduced... 

Everything Else™
Heavenly Horoscopes Vol II

Why hello there, Astral Traveler. I see that you have survived the past two weeks under Gralgathor’s influences. He really is... 

Heavenly Horoscopes…with Sunflower Goldschmidt

Hello Astral Traveler. You and I are on a roller coaster of metaphor this week, with the role bar being replaced by a cactus. Have... 

5 Second Review: Cocaine

Just do some coke. Stop sitting there reading this article like a walrus. The sooner you put down the paper, the sooner you can go... 

5 Second Review: Other Campus Publications

Greatings, Mr. and Mrs. America. Welcome to the inaugural issue of The Weekly Enema. Of course, you’re reading it online, which... 

The Enema Was There…When Gutenberg Published the Bible

In a move shocking long-time Christians, Johannes Gutenberg has decided to publish a printed version of the Bible. “It seemed like... 

The Enema Was There… When Man Invented Fire

Scientists working in the heartland of Pangaea have announced the discovery of a substance dubbed “Fire.” Ug of Ug and Ug’s Research...